Hahaha, so I started this at the beginning of the semester with these great plans to make something wonderful out of it, that I would write in it every couple of weeks and talk about what was happening in my life. And as you can clearly see, that did not go as planned. You see, my life got a lot harder than I intended it to. I thought I would pick myself up after what happened to me and make something fantastic. But I underestimated how far I had fallen....and how great the distance was that I had to climb to get back up. And to be honest, I'm not there yet. I'm still having a really difficult time with motivation and rest and all sorts of things that are making life difficult.
Now don't get me wrong, I know that life is hard, if my childhood has taught me anything its that life is very difficult and things rarely go the way we want them too. If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is, if things seems to be going well, that will probably end badly relatively soon. But I do this thing where I develop these fantasies of these wonderful changes I'm going to make in my life to become a person that means something.....and then I fall. In this case, the fall came in the form of a depression that causes me to have a lack of sleep and therefore a great amount of exhaustion, a severe lack of motivation, and a time period where I cried myself to sleep almost every night. So I went to my dad and I got help. And I'm feeling better. I'm not at my best yet but its a work in progress.
So what are my plans? I've finished school for the year and I did really well despite the trouble that I had this term. I kept my scholarship, I found an apartment and a roommate for next year and I am beyond excited to start that journey. This is one of those times where I'm developing that fantasy of grandeur, but I really think I'm going to do it this time. I'm tired of this little hole I've built for myself. So I'm really going to change it.
I still worry a lot. I'm worried for my dad because his health is not improving in any way. I'm worried for him when he doesn't have anyone to take care of him anymore. But I have faith that things will work out, eventually. But I also believe that we'll go through hell on our way there.
As for this blog, I have intentions to write more of my adventures and we shall see where this goes. Goodnight.