Saturday, 25 May 2013

Inching Along

     So I'm obviously not very good at this...but I'm gonna make it a thing in my life, you watch. Haha, so I started a new job. I work for a company called HGS Canada doing technical support for another company whose name I can't mention because I would get fired if I did so, some confidentiality agreement and such. It would sound so much cooler if I could, but c'est la vie. Its a tough job, with a 4 week training program that's got so much information packed into it. But I'm learning a lot, which I suppose is good.
    SO FANTASTIC NEWS THAT I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT!!!! AHHH!! I received my letter from the Nursing faculty, and I've been ACCEPTED!!! So pumped, seriously! I feel like it would have been nice if I had made this decision before I completed my first year, but I have to say that the first year doesn't feel wasted. I struggled through it with my Mom passing and moving to a new city and everything, and it was good to have a year that doesn't really mean anything to get a hold of my bearings. And I'm ready for next year, I think. Its gonna be GREAT! And my best friend also transferred into Nursing this year, even though he attends a different university 4 hours away. But we'll finish together and suffer through it together. Big shoutout to him on his birthday, by the way, haha.
     So stuff at home is pretty rough. My dad is sick all the time and he lost his job. We're in pretty rough shape financially, but I have faith that God will see us through it. It will all work out in the end, its just tough going through this everyday and seeing people around me who really don't understand. But again, thus is life. I watched this video today called the Graduation Song (I'll link it at the end of this post) that was just so flippin' true. It talks about how you really know nothing of life until you graduate high school. Then you see how much it really sucks. And it does, but I think its important to try and see how amazing it can be sometimes. And I say that, but making it happen is different.
     I have this friend that I love to death, she is absolutely amazing. And what I'm about to say isn't meant to be against her at all, so if at any point it sounds like that, just remember this sentence. She just turned 21 and she just seems so happy in her life. She posts pictures on her Facebook that just show all these things she's doing in her life. She's crafty, she's got 2 jobs, going to school, waiting on her boyfriend to return off his mission, and she's just always smiling. She goes out and does things. Her life is happy. And sometimes I just look at her thinking "why can't I be like that? What am I doing wrong in my life?" And sometimes I just wonder if things weren't so hard at home, I could create something like that. I'm condemning my life at home or anything because I love my family so much. Sometimes I just my circumstances were different. That things were easier in different aspects of my life. Because I have this huge weight on my shoulder that drags me down and keeps me from doing this stuff. But anyway!! Its not a big deal. I still have time to be amazing, haha!

     But anyway, that's all I really wanted to talk about. OH!! I saw the new Star Trek movie with the famjam for my Dad's birthday, and seriously, was so beyond amazing!!! I loooooooved it so much!! Benedict Cumberbatch is so beautiful and amazing and GAH! And the season finale of Doctor Who was a couple of weeks ago, I cried like a baby but it was so amazing. Freaking love that show tooooo much!  But yeah!! Have a marvelous week!!!

(Graduation Song)

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Apologies and Explanations

     Hahaha, so I started this at the beginning of the semester with these great plans to make something wonderful out of it, that I would write in it every couple of weeks and talk about what was happening in my life. And as you can clearly see, that did not go as planned. You see, my life got a lot harder than I intended it to. I thought I would pick myself up after what happened to me and make something fantastic. But I underestimated how far I had fallen....and how great the distance was that I had to climb to get back up. And to be honest, I'm not there yet. I'm still having a really difficult time with motivation and rest and all sorts of things that are making life difficult.
     Now don't get me wrong, I know that life is hard, if my childhood has taught me anything its that life is very difficult and things rarely go the way we want them too. If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is, if things seems to be going well, that will probably end badly relatively soon. But I do this thing where I develop these fantasies of these wonderful changes I'm going to make in my life to become a person that means something.....and then I fall. In this case, the fall came in the form of a depression that causes me to have a lack of sleep and therefore a great amount of exhaustion, a severe lack of motivation, and a time period where I cried myself to sleep almost every night. So I went to my dad and I got help. And I'm feeling better. I'm not at my best yet but its a work in progress.
     So what are my plans? I've finished school for the year and I did really well despite the trouble that I had this term. I kept my scholarship, I found an apartment and a roommate for next year and I am beyond excited to start that journey. This is one of those times where I'm developing that fantasy of grandeur, but I really think I'm going to do it this time. I'm tired of this little hole I've built for myself. So I'm really going to change it.
     I still worry a lot. I'm worried for my dad because his health is not improving in any way. I'm worried for him when he doesn't have anyone to take care of him anymore. But I have faith that things will work out, eventually. But I also believe that we'll go through hell on our way there.
     As for this blog, I have intentions to write more of my adventures and we shall see where this goes. Goodnight.